Scary Spinning Man

So last night at the gym I didn't plan to take a spinning class. But after my step class I had some wierd idea that it would be a good idea to follow it up with a spinning class. It was starting right then so I went in and got all settled.

Now, I haven't taken ALL that many spinning classes, so I'm no pro. But the guy that taught the class last night was FREAKY! First of all... he had little black spandex on. Which is fine... but they were WAY too small. I've seen many men in biking shorts (my gf does work at a bike shop... and its acceptable to go into one of them in just your biking gear... so yes.. countless men in biking shorts).. but these were horrible. Too short on his legs, and WAY too tight. I know you might be thinking how could spandex be too tight? Well... they can. Because he was literally BULGING out of these everywhere. It was a horrible, horrible site for my poor lesbian eyes.

But, I decided I could get over that.

So he hooks his iPod up to the sound system. I won't lie, I was both impressed and excited about his level of technology. (The other teachers all had mix TAPES... as in cassettes). So we start... and he has this really wierd techno-y song on. But more than techno it sounds like a song you'd hear durning a nasty sex scene in a porn. And scary spinning man has this really deep voice... and he had a mic on. Durning the porn-esque song he kept saying things like "Ohhhh yeaaaaah" and "Push... a little hard... thats it...." And it was creeping me out. A lot.

He also played 1 too many Madonna songs (4 songs in the 45 mintues were either Madonna originals or covers). And spoke the lyrics OVER THE SONG into the mike. All freakily and stalker-y. Not to mention when he whistled the techno songs into the mic. Clearly he's unaware that uhm... WHISTLING into a mic hurts my ears.

I think he thought he was a DJ and not a spinning instructor. Because he kept doing like crossfades on his iPod and at one point he started a song and was like... oh I think I'll play a different version of this song. So then he found the album version of whtever wierd song it was and played that. But before every song he would introduce it... and be all "First time ever here at the Livingston NYSC it's Madonna's Hollywood! This song came out in (fill in the year) and is on her (fill in the album).... ok let's pick it up! A little more resistance..." and go from there.

And to finish up the whole class... the last song he played was Thelma Houston's "Don't Leave me this Way." (the chorus goes... AWWWWW Baby! My heart is full of love and desire for you... so come on now and do what you gotta do... youve started this fire down in my soul... now cant you see its burning me out of control). I can't even do justice to the spoken word piece he did during this chorus. He was say "Aw baby...." right before Themla would sing it. All breathy and wierd.

So yeah... that's the scary spinning man. I said last night that I'd never take his class again. But I'm not going to lie. I might take it again. Because I couldn't really decide if he was creepy or entertaining. Because I did laugh to myself on more than one occasion during the class.

I think I might need another 45 minutes to decide if he creaps me out or just amuses me :)